Last week we looked at three films currently playing in Valley theatres that, someday, could be considered classics (LINK to 5/18/11 article).
This week, let’s look at two films currently playing in Valley theatres that – unfortunately – have absolutely zero chance of becoming classics, and another movie that left me really disappointed.
“Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides” 2 / 5 stars – Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) and Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) race to extract money from the movie-going public…err, I mean race to find the elusive Fountain of Youth.
Captain Blackbeard (Ian McShane) and Angelica (Penelope Cruz) hope that Sparrow can lead them to the cash, sorry…I mean the Fountain…as well.
Director Rob Marshall didn’t want to bore us on this long journey, so he includes plenty of explosions, a pack of mermaids, a poison sword, lots of loud theme music, and the kitchen sink.
Unfortunately, none if it helps save this tired installment of a series that seems to be going through the motions.
Die-hard fans might appreciate Jack Sparrow’s latest adventure, but at about the half-way point of the film’s 2-hour 17-minute runtime, I couldn’t wait for this uninspired and faintly amusing retread to be over.
“Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides” is playing everywhere in Valley theatres and is rated PG-13 for intense sequences of action/adventure violence, some frightening images.”
“Something Borrowed” 1.5 / 5 stars – When the hero of your movie makes so many horrible decisions that she actually turns the villain into a victim, you’ve got yourself a problem.
In this latest excuse for a romantic comedy, Rachel (Ginnifer Goodwin), a shy bookworm has had a crush on Dex (Colin Egglesfield), a Tom Cruise-look-alike, for years.
But life goes awry when her best friend, but all-around horrible person, Darcy (Kate Hudson), starts dating Dex and they get engaged.
Over the 1-hour 53-minute film, Rachel makes (the aforementioned) terrible choices, so I ended up feeling sorry for the vile vamp, Darcy.
I should also mention that Dex comes off like a complete putz, which makes you wonder why Rachel had a crush on him in the first place.
All the actors are competent, but fall victim to the material, and only John Krasinki’s (“The Office”) funny well-timed lines provide any reprieve.
“Something Borrowed” is playing in everywhere in Valley theatres and is rated PG-13 for sexual content, some drug material.
“Everything Must Go” 2.5 / 5 stars – Alcoholism isn’t funny. When an alcoholic loses his job and wife in the same day, it isn’t funny.
And even though comedian Will Ferrell plays this man in a film, we realize right away, it’s not going to be a fun movie.
Now, it’s nice seeing Ferrell break out of his comedic comfort zone, but the material doesn’t really take us anywhere new.
Well, it does take us to Nick’s (Will Ferrell) front lawn (filmed in Phoenix, AZ, I should add), as his wife changed the locks and left all his possessions outside.
His View Master Finder, tiki torches, old exercise equipment, saxophone, and snow globes keep him company while he sits in misery.
A young boy with low self-esteem, pregnant wife and his AA sponsor drop in as well, but the script holds everyone back from opening up more
“Everything Must Go” isn’t your typical Hollywood story.
Just like life, problems burden every player in this film, and just like life, instant human connections can’t immediately be forged. And correct answers to difficult questions can’t be wrapped up with a quick exchange or two.
We don’t need a typical Hollywood story, just one with a little more depth and intricacy.
“Everything Must Go” is playing in selected Valley theatres and is rated R for language and sexual content.