She’s willing to sit on the potty for long periods of time, but waits to pee until she stands up (right next to the potty instead of in it.) A note about her temperament: she stubbornly resists most parental suggestions unless she thinks it’s her own idea. Any suggestions?
Just with the information that you’ve given me about her stubborn temperament, leads me to believe that this is more about attention and control. In a parents anxiousness to get their child toilet trained they often give too much attention to the whole thing. Of course you’re going to praise and cheer in the beginning. That works for some kids and then training is done and over with. There are some children who seem to take in the whole thing and realize how important it is because of all of the attention given to it. What happens is that they hear continual questions like, “Do you have to go potty?” “Let’s go sit on the potty.” “Remember to tell me when you have to go potty.” These questions are heard many times a day by some children. All of the talking that the parents do leads children to recognize the fact that they have power in this. Just the fact that she’ll sit on the potty for long periods of time is a clue for me! She’s either having you sit there with her or are encouraging her from a distance. When she stands up and will pee, look at the attention that one is getting! All of that talking about going “in” the potty, and on and on and on.
The best thing that I can suggest is showing her that it no longer matters to you. Of course it does, but you can’t show her that! Give it a couple of weeks this way. Don’t keep asking her if she has to go. If you want to take her at all, just put her on her potty. Don’t do any talking other than, “It’s time to go potty.” Keep a monotone voice and don’t give much facial expression. After you sit her down, walk away (if it’s safe). If you have to stay nearby don’t talk to her or look at her. If she’s talking to you, just say, “Mommy will be able to talk after you go pee pee on the potty.” Don’t keep making eye contact. Give short answers if you feel you have to talk. Don’t make a huge fuss if she does go. You can make a comment like, “I see you’re learning to use the potty.” Keep your voice monotone.
I know that you want to make a huge fuss after she does what you want her to do but resist the urge. The whole idea here is to take the power of it away from her. The way to do it is show that you don’t care (I know that you do care, but she can’t see that!) When things don’t matter, they no longer have power
This works very well for kids who are stubborn or want to control everything!
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