I’ve been absent for a minute. I know this. Not for the reasons normally mentioned here. I have been working way too hard for my liking, but that’s not it. I have been playing, but that’s not it. I have met some interesting ladies of late, but that’s not it either. I’ve been struggling to come up with this topic and give it the attention it truly deserves. I thought about sliding it into an interview – but didn’t think that would be fair to the interviewee. I thought about doing an interview with myself, since I can’t offend me – but then realized, I occasionally find myself offensive. I thought about just ditching it altogether – but decided there is far too much on the line given my assigned topic to let this fall to the wayside. What is this taboo topic for today? Magic Numbers.
I’m not talkin’ physics, mathematics or computer programming here people. I’m talkin’ about THAT Magic Number. Now that the elephant in the room has been mentioned, let’s get into this shit. . I’m sure you mathematicians, physicists and computer programmers know what it is I’m talkin about. For those who aren’t in the aforementioned profession – we’re talking about how many partners you’ve Fornicated Under Consent of the King – we are a Commonwealth nation are we not? I really hope y’all got that. And no, I won’t explain it. And onto the meat and potatoes of this thing
The Magic Number conversation has to be one of the most awkward moments in the getting to know you phase of a courtship. Some of us are lucky, and it never comes up. The fun stuff just happens and you never speak of the issue. This is rare. In my dating experiences, this topic will come up sooner or later, either before or after the deed has been done. Hopefully not during. I fear that would be a grand mood-killer and a potentially either a very good, or very poor indication of your performance. Can you imagine doing the deed and being asked that? I don’t know – I really just don’t know.
It has become apparent to me in my conversations (both personal and in my research) that there are some common responses when it comes to Magic Numbers. ‘Three’ or ‘Five’ seem to be common numbers that are thrown out there by Women. ‘Five’, ‘Eight’ or ‘Eleven’ by Men – of course, we must be higher. These responses often come complete with an explanation of each partner. Be cautious here. Fibs are commonly accompanied by too much information. Of course, there is an obvious double standard. I’ll contribute it to a man’s need to appear virile and a woman’s need to appear demure. It has nothing to do with the fact that men want to be studs and women loathe nothing more than a ‘good time girl’. Nothing at all. PS: I’d like you all to take notice that I did not use the s-l-u-t word. I am proud of myself, as you should be.
All things being equal, including the ladies and gents in Toronto’s Singles scene, It would appear that there are those among us who are manufacturing their Magic Numbers, discounting some encounters that “didn’t count” and telling their potential partner what they THINK they want to hear, or is the most correct answer. Fail. Epic, Epic, Fail. Whether your number is high or low, you’ve got to be honest with your date, partner, whatever they may be. If they think you’re gross, you might just be. If they think you’re inexperienced, you might just be. Either way, if they really really reaaaaalllly want to get down, this number isn’t likely going to be considered an obstacle or a problem – until afterward. What I’m getting at here is the following Toronto Singles:
- We are Adults and make grown-up decisions
- We live in a big city with lots of opportunity to meet people that they can connect with
- We will likely have to take a few swats at the piñata when trying to meet a long-term mate
- Sex is fun. It also has some intimacy thing which is good for relationships. I think.
Due to the above four points, it is unrealistic for any of us to expect that a potential partner hasn’t had a few partners in the past. We should be honest with ourselves about those one night stands, and booty calls, and flings on vacations and relationships we’d rather forget about. If you’ve been excluding people that you think “didn’t count” from your magic number, grow the f*ck up and get a clue… you’re really only lying to yourself. Know why? I’ve been telling my friends and acquaintances to account for two or three extra whenever this conversation comes up for years. Just be real. Easier than trying to remember a lie for years to come if you meet the right betty or bloke.
So to answer the question I asked in the title, What’s Acceptable to Toronto Singles? It’s just one, the real one. If it’s three, seven, fifteen or fifty, as long as it’s the honest one and your partner hasn’t got a problem, then it’s acceptable. IF however you lie about it – you’re on your own. Jackass.
Besides, if you’re starting with a lie about something so critical to physical and emotional health in your relationship, you may as well plan the breakup instead of the vacation, or moving in together or wedding or whatever the heck it is that people plan for. Pick a restaurant, the menu, the wine, the desserts, send invitations to your friends and family, plan a big grand break-up gala reception to get both of you a head start on the “Drunkie Phase” of your post break-up recovery. You may just meet someone there that you’ll tell the ACTUAL digit(s) to….or likely not.