One of the best new features this current generation of consoles introduced is the inclusion of an arcade-style based scoring system tied to a single account; in the Xbox 360’s case, achievements. Good achievements accentuate a game’s high points and allows developers to point a gamer in the direction to play in the way they intended, like no guns in “Mirror’s Edge,” or improving the experience overall. Of course it also feeds into the dark side of the achievement collector’s mentality in completing every single one except some are insane either in difficulty or length it takes to achieve, which will drive those people nuts who attempt them. The following are five achievements that you should probably just skip.
1. Mortal Kombat – My Kung Fu Is Stronger – 60 GS
Gain Mastery of All Fighters
Some achievements are purely for the hardcore followers of that game, such as the “Seriously 2.0” achievement in “Gears of War 2,” which requires killing 100,000 total enemies. In other cases, there are achievements for those who have an endless amount of time to play and aren’t susceptible to boredom after long stretches of time. If that describes your lust for achievements, this “Mortal Kombat” achievement is for you.
You need 648 hours to complete this achievement, no debating, this is exactly how much time it takes to gain this one. Each character getting “mastered” means a variety of tasks including performing X-Ray attacks and fatalities a set number of times and winning 100 matches. It also means playing as each character 24 hours. Multiply by the 27-character roster, hello 27 straight days of gameplay. It’s an insane amount of time. I completed the story mode, won the arcade ladder with every character, won 100 online matches, and scaled 299 levels in the tower (stupid last challenge) and it equates to 20:36, 139 total fatalities, and 503 X-Ray hits. I’m not even close to mastering one character and have completed the bulk of the game. It also bastardizes fatalities a bit since after a while you’re just going through the motions to meet the number requirement.
2. Far Cry 2 – Wages of Conflict – 10 GS
Aquire [sic] all conflict diamonds in the game available through payment or exploration
Collection achievements are as old as, well, achievements. “Far Cry 2” uses diamonds as currency and collecting the bling is easy as finding briefcases sitting in the middle of nowhere. 1,000 diamonds is a lot to collect, but through storyline, a big chunk is paid out for completing missions. However, the rest must be found in 221 aforementioned. Thanks to a handy indicator, it’s not difficult to run across the cases everywhere but it is also incredibly annoying when the indicator points towards a cliff too high to scale.
But the worst part: it can be failed. For any tower missions, which are assassination missions, if the target escapes, no diamonds for you, which makes the achievement impossible to complete. Reloading a previous save does rectify the issue, but if you weren’t aware of this, or accidentally did save and continued progress, you’re screwed for the rest of the game and out of those 10 GS. It seems like there was no after-thought into this achievement considering the measly amount of GS awarded plus the description is even spelled wrong!
3. Fable III – We Need Guns, Lots Of Guns – 20 GS
Collect all 50 legendary weapons. They won’t all appear in your world, so trade with other Heroes!
Quantifying an annoying achievement falls into answering several questions. Does it require boosting? Does it require other players? Does it require a spreadsheet to keep track of progress? Is it random? This “Fable III” achievement falls into every category. You have to complete almost every task to receive every legendary weapon in your game, but that’s every legendary available to you, meaning one playthrough only nets half the weapons. You’ll have to trade with other players to get the entire set, which means you’ll need to find people who have what you lack. How do you keep track of every weapon? Well the elimination of a traditional menu system is a neat idea, but it also removes a lot of stat tracking, including having an information bank that could easily keep track of mundane lists, like the amount of weapons you’ve acquired thus far, so say hello to tracking via spreadsheet.
4. Fallout: New Vegas – Desert Survivalist – 15 GS
Heal 10,000 points of damage with food.
There’s no more important item in the Fallout series than the stimpak. Pop one, instant healed, no radiation, no fuss. Food is the complementary healing item, usually with an added negative aspect, such as radiation poisoning, boasting a heavier weight or requiring several components to create the more tastier treats like the caravan lunch, which contains a delicious daily serving of cram, instamash, and pork n’ beans. The pain of having to heal 10,000 points of damage with food is time. Like mentioned before, stimpaks take no time, food does. Even in Hardcore mode, which stimpaks aren’t instant-heals and larger emphasis is placed on food to eliminate starvation, stimpaks are far more efficient in balancing carrying weight, more readily available, doesn’t require other items to remove radiation, and easily stackable for mapping to the d-pad. Food you have to purposefully ensure to be damaged enough to justify usage of food items and not overheal and waste points towards the achievement once you hit full health. Out of all of these achievements, this won’t drive you insane, but it can get tedious after a while.
5. Bayonetta – Angel Slayer – 30 GS
Complete all Alfheim portals.
Apparently there’s an edict requiring all Japanese 3rd-person action games to be insanely difficult, which must carry over to the achievements, like “Ninja Gaiden” or “Devil May Cry.” Deciphering half of Bayonetta’s achievements is hard enough: “Execute 20 Wicked Weave attacks while using Dodge Offset.” I’ve beaten the game and I don’t even know what that means. There’s always one aspect of 3rd-person action games that the developer inserts to simply separate those with skill and those who are button-mashing their way to the end. Completing the Alfheim portals in “Bayonetta” is ridiculous. I couldn’t even get through the first one, so I can’t even tell you how the others are in difficulty.
Care to share your own miserable achievement stories? Be sure to post in the comments section below. Also, check out last year’s best and worst achievements.