You’ve seen the commercials.
For those in the world who are ready to find true love, it is waiting for you via the world-wide-web. At least, this is what eHarmony.com claims in its promotions and commercial advertisements.
Maybe you will find the love of your life, but maybe, you won’t at all.
Trust me, I went through a rough patch in my life, where I too, was tired of all my previous failed relationships. Turning 30 was an eye-opening experience in my life, and still holding the title as the single girl with no children among my family and friends, didn’t seem to make the lack of love in my life any better. Showing up to every family gathering alone, while my cousin’s new husband flashed the pink-studded bracelet he bought her, was sickening. Cooking with the ladies in the kitchen, while they discussed their husbands in the living room watching the big game, was something I couldn’t relate to anymore. Having my 19-year-old niece flaunt her engagement ring in my face, made me realize I wasn’t getting any younger.
December 2010 was a turning point in my love life. Personally, I’ve never been the type to look for love in bars or clubs, or hang out at the local sporting event in hopes number 23 may look my way. The majority of men I have dated in my life either sprung up as a friend of a friend, or is someone I met through work.
Signing up and actually paying for a dating website, especially on the internet, is something that never had crossed my mind before. However, who can resist the happy faces of best friends originated from eHarmony.com? These claimed real-life people in their commercials found their best friend, their one true love. They seem happy. Some even use the term “soul mates.”
I must give eHarmony props, on the fact they periodically allow free communication weekends, sometimes even a free month, for new members looking for love.
Wow, what a deal, right? Maybe.
I would never know unless I too, joined the virtual dating world. The one main thing that motivated me to join eHarmony wasn’t based on trying to find love, but more of an experiment to right this very article. I wanted to see how exactly this entire process worked, how one just may find their true love online.
After paying $60 for one month, which by the way, I find ridiculously pricey, I spent almost one hour filling out information about myself, and about what I was looking for in a partner.
I felt as though I was at the doctor’s office filling out a medical history report, but I was also very aware this is how the eHarmony process worked. In order to match me with the right person, they must know everything about me. How else would I be paired up with my one true love?
It was then time to create my profile, upload the best pictures of myself, and I was good to go from that point. All I had to do now was sit and wait for my match to come to me. Right?
Well, not exactly.
Either I am not unique in any way, or I missed the part where I would be sent matches. Plural. As in several matches per day. I was under the assumption from the commercials and ads, I would be paired up with that one true love. My bad.
The next day after signing up on eHarmony.com, my inbox was flooded with men across Oklahoma I was matched with. I was surprised to be paired with so many, I thought I had narrowed the selection way down in what I was looking for in a man. There was a moment when I first signed up, I thought I might need to uncheck a box here or there, so I could have better chances of meeting someone.
There I sit, sifting through e-mail after e-mail of men who may be the one. I am back at square one as if I am in the real dating world again. Do I message them first or do I let them start the communication? eHarmony is encouraging me to break the ice, but would that make me seem desperate. Hey, wait a minute, I signed up and paid for this…and so did they.
Since I wasn’t exactly looking to meet someone, but more curious as to how this all worked, I decided if a gentleman wanted to contact me, fine. With that being said, I would not be the one to contact a man.
Within a few days, a few different men had started communication with me. Usually, after two e-mails with a contact, I was able to tell if this was someone I would like to remain in contact with.
By the end of the one month membership I paid for, my e-mail was flooded with men I never even had a chance to sit down to look at their profiles, and my eHarmony profile was flooded with men who upfront said they weren’t looking for anything serious, but moreover someone to just have fun with. When I say my inbox was full, I do not kid at all. Some mornings, I would wake up with eHarmony notifications of 30 men who were my match. In one day. By the end of the month, I had been paired with over 500 men. Out of the 500 men, how many did I actually end up communicating with outside of eHarmony.com?
One gentleman was from Texas, and the other from Stillwater, Oklahoma.
Each of these men and I would text and e-mail daily. The one from Stillwater and I seemed to have more of a connection, so we upped our communication to phone conversations.
I was actually surprised how much he and I clicked. While we came from completely different backgrounds, our interests and goals in life were on the right track. We had a common bond of always having to be on display for our community, and so we both knew how important it was at the end of the day, to sit back and enjoy life away from crowds. His romantic side appealed to me, as well. Well, the romantic side he claimed to have from previous girlfriends. I heard his stories of showering girls with gifts, leaving sweet notes out of the blue for his girlfriends, opening car doors, heating up chicken soup and renting movies when his girl was sick; all these great stories that appealed to me, of course. Mostly because I’ve never had a guy do those things for me. I wasn’t really sold on a man opening my car door. In fact, I hate anyone opening my car door, but the other stories he shared seemed great.
Needless to say, after a few weeks, our texts and phone calls were not enough. He began pressuring me to meet him. While part of me wanted to, I was still hesitant. I wasn’t truly ready to be with anyone, but he appealed to me. Oh, what is a girl to do?
This girl did what she felt was right, and it was not to meet this man. The constant push from him to meet him or he would never know if he truly liked me or not, just didn’t sit well with me. Sure, I was a little sad, because we seemed to click so well, but walking away and not meeting him, proved to be the best thing for me. A week later, he wrote me, and informed me if I had met him, he would have tried to be sexual with me, and then never spoke to me again. Kudos for him
Exactly what I thought.
In conclusion, finding love on eHarmony was not for me.
From my own personal experience, unlike many others who did find their true love, their soul mate, their best friend; I did not find that on eHarmony. Granted, if I had paid for more months, maybe I would have, according to eHarmony. Once your paid membership is over, communication is limited, seeing pictures of those you are matched with is forbidden, and eHarmony encourages you to sign back up. The company even offers you a special rate to sign back up again.
No thank you, eHarmony.com. While this site may have worked for others, and may work for you, it is not meant for me.
Paying for love on an online dating service, is not for me. Casual hook-ups from online is not for me, either. My true love, my soul mate, my best friend; he is waiting for me somewhere else.