Question: Hi Diketa! I would like to know when is a good time to enter a new relationship where children are involved. Shankinah H.
Answer: Hi Shakinah, and thanks for your question. Beginning a new relationship is a mystery, but including children can be difficult. There is really no set time to begin a relationship. Sometimes actions are set into motion and a relationship is a result of it. Give yourself time (ideally, six to twenty four months) so you can do numerous things (i.e. your new mate bonding with your children, get rid of “baggage”, etc.). I have a few questions to ask you, also provide tips on how to handle a new relationship with children involved:
What type of relationship do you desire? There are different kinds of relationships: consensual, casual and a fling (Please read my previous article, “Defining a relationship” http://icedjamb.com/women-s-relationship-in-philadelphia/what-is-a-r…). It is important to consider what type of relationship you desire prior to entering a relationship. Causal relationship is ideal an ideal relationship with children because it deals with two committed individuals involved in a relationship. Also, a consensual relationship (aka open relationship) can be suitable for children. An open relationship is controversial, but if the adults are committed to one another and can keep their private lives out of reach of the children, the results can be successful!
How long would you wait to be in a new relationship? The average time to enter a relationship is between six to twenty-four months due to getting rid of the past and starting anew. Not bringing in the past and comparing your previous relationship to your now new one is not ideal. Bringing “baggage” into a new relationship is only going to lead to old issues that were unresolved and another relationship that you can put on your “Ex mate” shelf!
Be realistic with your expectations and your child(ren) well-being. The influence that children are around is important. Children need strong, positive role models in their lives. I am quite for sure you do not want someone who has a “rap sheet” or is demeaning. Choose someone who your child(ren) would be proud to meet one day and welcome him/her into their lives.
Choose a mate who is great with children and/or your children. Being in a relationship with children is complex due to the abrupt changes (i.e. their biological father not always present, etc.). The mate has to tolerate child(ren) and respects the fact that they are present and a part of your life (which should be establish during the beginning of your new relationship). If your new mate does not like being around children (regardless of how nice of a person he/she is to you), you have to find a new mate.
Once again, thanks Shakinah for your question and I hope I answered it to the fullest. If you would like to add more rules or comment on the topic above, can friend me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter or email me at [email protected] Remember respect and love yourself first!