Dr. R. Neal Siler, Pastor of First Shiloh Baptist Church, Mechanicsville, Virginia is the facilitator of a Relationship Seminar at New Canaan Baptist Church, Richmond, Virginia Monday, May 23 – Wednesday, May 25, 2011.
Summary of the Teaching on Tuesday, May 24, 2011.
Attachments in Relationships
When you were born, you attached to someone; probably your mother or father or grandmother or whomever provided for your care. The way they cared for you, set you up for the way you live your life today as an adult. You have entered your adult life based on your attachments as a child.
Characteristics of Attachment
Safe Haven: Returning to the caregiver for comfort and soothing
Secure Base: The caregiver provides a secure base for the child to explore the world.
Proximity Maintenance: Child strives to stay near the caregiver.
Separation Distress: When separated from caregiver, child becomes distressed.
Significance of the Attachment Bond
- The first intimate relationship is the mother-child relationship.
- Interactions between a child and his mother form behavioral patterns that are reflected in adult relationship.
- The caregiver helps an infant develop a “secure” attachment style.
- The attachment bond provides the earliest pattern for warm and close relationships.
- Children who develop “secure” personality types feel confident when relating to others.
Attachment Styles in Children
- Secure infants either seek proximity contact or greet the parent at a distance with a smile or wave.
- Avoidant infants avoid the parent.
- Resistant/ambivalent infants show hostility toward the parent.
As adults, how we are “attached” provides a framework for understanding how we understand love, loneliness and grief.
Attachments styles in adults stem from the working models that were developed as a child.
Attachment Styles in Adults
- Secure adults find it relatively easy to get close to others.
- Avoidant adults find it difficult to get along with and trust others.
- Anxious/ambivalent adults find that others are reluctant to get as close as they would like. They often worry that their partner doesn’t really love them.
Characteristics of Secure Attachment
- Children who are securely attached do not experience significant distress when separated from caregivers.
- Adults who are securely attached tend to have trusting, long-term relationships.