Did I tell you are story happened in Charleston?
Here is part 2 of 2 of a friend of mine who is going through one of the hardest things in the world. When we left my friend he was trying to see if his wife was having an affair. With a phone acting as a tracking device in the back of her car, he was able to see where she went for a “half day off break”. Let’s see what happens…..
When she left work, the tracker showed her drive directly to a parking ramp next to a downtown hotel. The car sat there for the next 4 hours. When I asked her what she did that day, nothing related to the location of the parked car. I didn’t confront her at that point. But I knew something had to be done.
The next thought I had was to hire a private investigator. I was getting desperate. In my mind everything I had done so for was done in an attempt to save my marriage. A few weeks later, I went out of town with some friends. Something told me that when I returned, my life would never be the same.
When I arrived home the next day, she had taken her ring off and had taken the pictures from our wedding down. We worked out a schedule for the kids. I wasn’t giving up but I was definitely crushed. For a few more weeks, I tried to talk to her to see if she would go to counseling or try anything. It was making me sick to sound like a broken record. I then realized it was probably time to get on with my life. I needed to be strong for my kids and make sure they were okay. They were innocent in all of this and hearing them ask where mommy was always tore me apart. I did what I could to keep their minds, and mine, off of the situation.
This was the worst time of my life to date. In my mind I did everything I could to save us. I wanted nothing more than for us to work it out. But in the end one of the biggest lessons I learned was that we can only do what we can control. I can’t control someone else’s feelings. And eventually, you just have to let go.
My new life
Living this new life allowed me to finally absorb some of the things my friends and family told me when they first learned about my situation. I mean, I heard what they said but I wasn’t actually listening. Now it was soaking in. “Take care of yourself first and let things happen” or “You can’t control her feelings”…stuff like that. And that made it a little easier. I can never thank them enough. And at the same time, I got to do a lot of things I had been neglecting to do. I visited my parents while they vacationed in Florida. Being a music fan, I went to concerts as much as I could. I was trying to make the best of the life I was handed. I even went to counseling on my own. I enjoyed the sessions so much eventually the counselor finally said he didn’t see a reason for me to come see him anymore. I took that as a sign that I need to get on with my life.
It has now been a little over a year since she moved out and our divorce was final four months ago. I think time has made this easier but I still think about her and the life we had occasionally. I miss it sometimes but I also look back at the way I felt when I knew the relationship was in trouble and I have vowed to never go through that again. At this point, I would rather be single for the rest of my life then go through a breakup like that again. Those feelings have forced me to be cautious when I think about dating. There are certain qualities I am looking for in a girl, and while I know I probably can’t have all of them in one person, I need to determine if the qualities that aren’t there are big enough reasons to not engage this person.
Since then, there have been other girls in my life. Nothing serious has developed, as I don’t know if I’m ready for a serious relationship yet. Dating has definitely been an adventure. I haven’t felt nervous about seeing a girl in years. Of course the part that calms me down is that I really have nothing to lose. If it doesn’t work out with someone, it doesn’t work out.
If I had to give advice to someone going through what I did, I would try to keep it simple. “Put everything you have into your relationship. If you do, you shouldn’t have anything to worry about. If it still doesn’t work out, you can look back and know that you did everything the way you thought you should do it. If it’s not going to work out, take some time to heal and be sure to spend time talking with others to help in that healing process. And once you’re ready to move on from the relationship, don’t “marry” the first one that comes along even if she seems perfect. Get out there and test the waters a little. If you were in a long marriage, your needs and wants have surely changed from when you met your ex-wife…especially if you met in high school. Having a marriage end may seem like the end of the world at first but, as I was told many times throughout this, things do get better with time.”
Can’t agree with you more my friend. Thanks for sharing a great story and thanks for reading the blog.
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