The facts are that over 90% individuals have experienced a heart break at some point and time. Over 50% of first marriages, 67% of second, and 74% of third marriages end in divorce. So, if you are experiencing heartache right now, you are not alone.
Once we break up it can be too painful to look at the reality of what the relationship was. Many times we check out and only seem to remember the good times and forget the reasons why we really broke up. Or, we act out by indulging in our favorite addictions (drinking, over eating, shopping, sex) so that we don’t have to feel. Sometimes it even seems easier to go back to the ex than to deal with reality.
I am going to challenge you to do differently this time.
The most important thing is for you to do is build a new, strong foundation for yourself.
If you choose to take responsibility, you will allow the Break to take you UP to your next level of personal development. I suggest that you stop repeating your same behaviors and destructive patterns that have prevented your happiness in your relationships.
How are you going to do this?
The following 7 Steps have been fundamental to leading me to having a successful and loving marriage today. They have helped countless people around the globe do the same. I wish the same for you.
- Take a real look at yourself in the mirror. It’s a Break UP not a Break DOWN.
Your relationship ending does not mean that your life is over. It means that it is just about to begin. It’s time to create new habits and ways of thinking. If you set an intention to heal your broken heart, take the steps, and focus on getting there, you will.
The truth is, your relationship was not supposed to last longer than it did – otherwise you would still be together. When you choose to stop being the victim, you discover how much you can grow from the experience.
- Spend time alone with me, myself and I.
It’s time to get comfortable with being alone. Many people ask the question, “Why do I need to spend time alone?” The answer is simple: because it is essential for your growth and well-being. We all need time to reflect – on our lives, our day, how our emotions are affecting our outlook, our treatment of others, how we are feeling – and to engage in solo activities that we enjoy. Being alone gives us a chance to focus on who we are as individuals.
Too often in love relationships we give up our individuality. This can be the time for you to reclaim yours. Now that your relationship is over, take advantage of this alone time. Reevaluate what you like to do. You do not have to be afraid of this. Embrace it.
- Stop tripping out on your baggage.
It’s important for you to recognize where your pains began and begin to heal your inner child. So, grow up and stop blaming everything on your parents or your exes. That does not encourage internal growth. It stunts it.
You can’t change your past, but you can take charge of yourself and how you react in certain situations. You can change.
- I’m Free to do what I want. So, Just do it!
Letting go of your baggage is a process. Part of this is reconnecting to your life. Go out and have some fun – either alone or with friends and family. Just do it.
Just be careful of engaging in self-destructive patterns like sex with the ex, too many margaritas, or even a rebound. If you can’t be your barometer, do yourself a favor and listen to those around you.
- Say, “Thank You. Thank You. Thank You.”
It’s easy to find gratitude in life when things are going well – like when you first fall in love. It might seem more challenging to be grateful when life isn’t going in the direction that we think that it should be – like when a break-up happens. You think, “Why do I deserve this:” Or, It’s unfair.” However, this is the time when the greatest gifts can be received.
- Start Mapquesting your future.
Begin by asking yourself what you want your future to look like. Then start being who you want to be. You can become this person. Do whatever it takes, whatever you can, to become that person. From this moment forward, question yourself about everything, and continue to ask yourself what parts of you still need to grow. Take your whole self into consideration: your values, goals, work, balance, fulfillment, family, and life purpose. Set an intention for yourself. You gotta see it to be it.
You can have all of the dreams you want, but in order for you to make your dreams come true, it is important for you to set goals and have them be complete and concrete. Once that is in place, you have to take the steps to get there. If obstacles get in your way and prevent you from moving on, ask yourself what you can do to go through them.
- Going from “Me” to “We”. Date Consciously.
When you are ready to move forward and start dating again, go for it! Get ready for love, know what values are important to you, be open and willing and the person that you want to find. Remember that a relationship takes work. But, it doesn’t have to be the kind of work that drags you down. It’s just the kind of a dance that takes two to tango.